Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Randomize
