Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
