i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
