I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
We're too hungover to prance.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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