I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I did not marry a roomba.
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