I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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