If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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