My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
