Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
