Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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