I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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