your parents love me but you hate me
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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