Dude my mom stole all your condoms
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
