His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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