Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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