Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
