Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
