i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Randomize
