The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
