Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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