he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You're a waste of cheezeits
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
