I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
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