I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's just so happy...and so naked.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize