You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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