They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
