I think I am morally bankrupt
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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