Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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