u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
