Whod you bang
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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