I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
