just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Dicks are not precious.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
