if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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