Already got asked if we're dating
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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