So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
