Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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