So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
