I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
