I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
