Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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