areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
