the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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