Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
