Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
