you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
