So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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