Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
