I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
