At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
