morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
