The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
