You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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