i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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