at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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