Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
