i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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