Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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