we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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