I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
