Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
