I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
