Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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