Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
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there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
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I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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