I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
