All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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