ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
