If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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