We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
