We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
