Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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