The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
