if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize
