What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
tell me about the eggs
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
