Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
