No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
the day after is always just damage control
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
