My boss' voice literally gives me gas
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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