Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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