I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
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